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May 23 2018

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Zazie Beetz as ‘Domino’ in Deadpool 2 (2018)

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May 22 2018



this is adhd culture


Getting up at 6 am IRL: aw fuck it’s so early oh my god

Getting up at 6 am in an rpg: *banging pots and pans together in front of the cobbler’s shop* WAKEY WAKEY THE SUN IS UP I WANT SOME SHOOOOOOOES

May 21 2018

May 20 2018

May 19 2018




after dying god informs you that hell is a myth, and “everyone sins, its ok”. instead the dead are sorted into six “houses of heaven” based on the sins they chose.

We arrived first at the House of Lust. “House” is a misleading term. It was more of a camp, spread over acres and acres of lush forest. There was a white sandy beach (nude, of course) full of copulating couples. There were little cabins sprinkled all along the path, from which orgasmic moans regularly came belting out. Men with six pack abs and women with perky breasts strolled by without even noticing me and God. They only had eyes for each other, tickling and pinching each other with flirtatious giggles.

“What do you think?” God asked as we passed a nineteen-way taking place in a pool of champagne. Little cherubs flitted overhead armed with mops and cleaning supplies, thankfully. “Lust is our most popular sin.” I eyed the supermodel-like figures of a couple passing nearby, and could easily see why. “You can look however you want. Hell, you can be whatever gender you want. No fetish is too taboo, and no desire can be denied here.”

It was quite tempting, but I wasn’t ready to make a permanent decision here. “Let’s see the others,” I told God.

We carried on to Greed. We passed rows and rows of mansions, each more opulent than the next. Some of them were so large that they would have had enough bed rooms to fit my entire hometown. And so many different styles: one second, we were in a beautiful French vineyard in front of a gorgeous chateau with the Alps in the background. The next second, a warm tropical beach with a modern mansion atop breathtaking cliffs. After that, a ski chalet in Colorado with a roaring fire in a hearth large enough to fit an ox. Each one had various Italian sports cars and Rolls Royces parked in front, with the occasional smattering of boats, helicopters, etc.

“Any material desire you ever wanted,” God explained. “Your own world, where you can have everything. You want the Hope Diamond? You can fly to Washington DC in your own solid gold helicopter and buy it from the Smithsonian. Hell, you can just buy the Smithsonian.”

Also tempting, but I decided to keep looking.

Gluttony was next up. Tables and tables of the very finest foods: beautiful steaks cooked medium rare; butter-poached lobster tail; fresh oysters on a half shell; exotic wines in dusty bottles that had been hiding in the cellars of the world’s finest restaurants. Everyone had a glass of champagne in hand and simply lounged on couches and chairs near the tables, eating endlessly. As soon as the inhabitants took a bite, the food just instantly came back. My mouth watered even watching them.

“In every other House, the food is practically sawdust compared to Gluttony,” God explained. “You haven’t truly experienced heaven until you’ve been to Gluttony.”

I shook my head, and we kept moving.

Sloth was as you’d expect. An endless sea of the softest mattresses, stacked with cushions and pillows that made the story of the princess and the pea seem minimalist. Little angels visited each resident, giving them massages that made them all melt into their blankets.

Wrath was… well, a lot like what I’d expect Hell to be like. Fire, brimstone, whips, torture.. you know, the works. Except here, you weren’t the one being tortured. Every enemy you’d ever made in your real life was now under your thumb. “Lots of people choose their fathers,” God explained. “Lots of grudges against parents in general, you know. But you’re not limited to that. Someone beat you out for a big promotion back on Earth? Take your pound of flesh here.”

Then we arrived at Envy. It looked… well, a lot like home.

“Go on in,” God said, gesturing toward the door. I turned the knob and walked in… and found Emily waiting inside. She ran forward, wrapped her arms around my neck, and planted a kiss right on my lips. “Welcome home, honey.”

I looked back toward God. “Oh, don’t be coy,” he said. “You have no secrets from me. We all know that you were in love with your best friend’s wife.” She didn’t seem to hear him at all; she went back into the hall. “We all know that you just settled for your own wife while secretly pining after her. Well, this is your chance to live happily ever after.”

I peered into the kitchen. Emily was baking something, wearing nothing but an apron. Her curly black hair fell softly over her shoulder as she whisked ingredients. She turned back, noticed I was observing her, and an enthusiastic smile spread across her face.

“It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” God whispered in my ear.

I wanted to take it. God damn did I want to take it. But I shook my head.

God seemed puzzled. “You need to make a decision,” he told me.

“I haven’t seen Pride yet.”

He scoffed. “No one ever wants Pride, trust me.”

“Well, I want to see it.”


Pride was boring. Just a row of workbenches in a bare white room.

“I don’t get it,” I told God.

“Yeah, no one does,” he answered. “That’s why no one ever chooses it. Doesn’t cavorting in Lust sound better than sitting here building little trinkets for the rest of eternity? Wouldn’t you rather gorge yourself in Gluttony? Or spend time with Emily in Envy?”

I considered the options again. “I pick Pride,” I finally told him.

He narrowed his eyes. “What? Look at it!” He gestured around the room again. There wasn’t much to look at. “Why would you choose this for the rest of time?”

“Because you don’t want me to pick it,” I told him. If he was really God, he’d know what a contrarian I can be. And I knew he was hiding something, trying to pretend like Pride didn’t exist. There was something special about it.

God scowled back. “Fine.” He led me over to one of the workbenches. In the center, there was a black space. A blank, empty void that went on forever. “Here’s your universe,” he said. “You’ve got seven days to get started.” He took his seat at the bench next to me and went back to tinkering in his own world. After a long pause, he finally spoke again: “You know, it might be nice for me to actually have some company for once.”

Hoooly shit, what a great ending.


your work/customer service voice is just vocal bottoming‬


Me at my cat after putting her in a funny hat: 

May 18 2018

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this post is a roller coaster, not in the way that people call wild posts “roller coasters,” but in the way that i knew something was up when i started reading the first paragraph, it was like the track slowly rising up, the wording just tipped me off, i knew there was going to be a serious drop that was going to give me whiplash, but when it arrived i still wasn’t ready for it

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It’s Britney, bitch!

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had a very remarkable conversation with my cat today



mike’s hard hot dog water

“theres alcohol in it”

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I don’t know what we did to deserve Mr. Rogers but I’m so glad we had him. 

May 14 2018



black panther thor ragnarok and winter soldier are THE top three marvel movies. they inhabit their own plane of existence untouched by evils like iron man 2 and age of Ultron. they r the mean girls of marvel. everyone wants to be them but CAN’T

Black Panther: The Hot One

Thor Ragnarok: The Funny One

Winter Soldier: The Emo Kid

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You have to admire her audacity, if nothing else.

Literally my favourite thing about Rogue One is that it makes the opening of New Hope so funny. Like, Vader has followed Leia from a planet he just blew up seconds ago and pursued her across the galaxy and then she’s just like: ‘I’m on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan’

Vader: You’re a rebel. I just had a fight with your entire rebel fleet and followed you here. Straight from the rebels. Of which you are a part

Leia: *dramatic gasp* rebel? Me???  I was just passing through. Diplomatically. Thought it was a five-space-ship pile-up or something going on there… 

death star plans? on my alderaanian diplomatic mission?
it’s more likely than you think

May 13 2018




TIL in 2015 a father saved his son’s life when doctors wrongly declared him braindead and were taking him off life support. He barricaded himself with a gun in the hospital and had a stand-off with SWAT until his son squeezed his hand. The son made a full recovery

via reddit.com

I actually just heard about this on the radio; the Michael Berry Show on WRNO 99.5. The hospital was trying to harvest his organs, and declared him dead. His father barricaded the door, and held an entire swat team at bay, until his son squeezed his hand, awake from a forced coma.

It gets better…

The swat team brought their own doctors who, after finally securing the room, started to check the kid. Turns out, the kid was fine, after waking up from the coma.

It gets better…

After the swat team doctors checked out the kid, there was a nurse who came in to “check” on the kid. The swat doctors asked to see her orders. Turns out she didn’t have any. What she did have was a 50cc syringe in her pocket, full of a powerful sedative. 5cc’s were enough to put someone in a deep coma. There were 50cc’s in the syringe, more than enough to euthanize the kid.

It gets better…

Swat doctors took her into custody. She refused to talk. They got a warrant and started checking into the deaths happening at the hospital. Turns out, there were a great many “quick decisions” made by hospital staff, for patients to be put into medically induced comas, from which they never woke up. All of which were finalized with organ transplants. Organ transplants which the families of the deceased did not know about.

TL:DR The hospital was euthanizing patients after illegally putting them into medical comas, then harvesting their organs.

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